My imagination has finally ran away with me

I think I've very nearly lost the plot....

CBB Heaven
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Contestants:
Jade Goody
Muhatma Ghandi
Al Capone
Steve Irwin
Ronnie Kray
Joan of Arc
Malcolm X
Marilyn Monroe

Day 1: Housemates enter, within Malcolm X pumps his fist in the air whilst looking at Joan of Arc. She doesn’t move a muscle, stares into space and Malcolm realises this is not a matter worth pursuing. Elsewhere Ronnie Kray takes a particular interest in Steve Irwin.

Day 2: Al Capone dominates the shopping list with his favourite Italian foods, you can sense a bit of unrest but Ghandi’s mere presence has a calming influence just when things were looking like getting heated.

Day 3: Marilyn Monroe has been surprisingly quiet thus far, being 1 of only 3 women in the house (well two because that useless bastard Joan of Arc has done nothing but stare into space). Jade has had her eye on Monroe, there is a unspoken tension between the two and just how long Jade can masquerade as a nice person remains to be seen

Day 4: Well at 7am, Steve Irwin wakes to the sight of a clearly aroused Ronnie Kray. Irwin is a man who in his time came face to face with some of nature’s most deadly creatures but this really unsettled him, he sits in the diary room for much of the day slapping his hand against his forehead whilst bawling his eyes out.

Day 5: What a day it’s been! Nominations and Jade and Ronnie are up for eviction, the merciless pestering from Ronnie has had an affect on the whole house if truth be told. Even Al Capone hasn’t said a word because he is convinced ‘the feds are listening’. Jade’s nomination came as no surprise whatsoever, she launched into a full-blooded 10 minute rant at Ghandi when he refused to discuss Monroe behind her back, Jade absolutely launched herself at him shouting ‘you think you’re better than me!’ and other things of that persuasion… and when finally led away be Steve Irwin she effectively evicted herself by saying ‘who is he anyway?’ Joan of Arc meanwhile, still not moved a muscle, jesus! what a boring housemate!

Day 6: DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MAX CLIFFORD! The PR guru has managed to get a message to Jade in the afterlife! She makes an apology to Ghandi which was clearly written for her but they’re fooling no-one this time. Malcolm X tries to engage Marilyn Monroe in a conversation about the nation of Islaam, he realised there and then… that he was barking up the wrong tree so he sat in front of Joan of Arc pulling faces at her for nearly 46 minutes

Day 7: Eviction Night is upon us, Ronnie Kray looks undeniably sharp in his eviction suit though it was unnecessary for him to try and plant a smacker on Steve Irwin while he was adjusting his tie. But this night will surely see Jade Goody evicted for CBBH, she stares resentfully at Marilyn throughout the day and hopes the public won’t be horrible when if she leaves. What she doesn’t know is… Marc Vivien Foe has been waiting outside the house for 2 days now with a bag of mouldy oranges with Goody’s name on it!