1. Carlo lost his virginity at the embarassing age of 36 at one of Silvio Berlusconi's infamous sex parties.
2. Once he gets a couple of pints in him, he will argue to the death that Gareth Southgate and Ugo Ehiogu's central defensive partnership for Aston Villa in the 99/00 season was the greatest in world football history
3. Carlo Ancelotti is an avid racist and a keen gardener
4. His favourite episode of Keenan and Kel is the one where Keenan's family go to 'The Pork Shack' for dinner and Kel spills hot chowder on Keenan's father
5. Though he has never admitted it publicly, Carlo sites Karen Carpenter as the main reason he got into football managment after his playing career finished
6. Some say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, Carlo says that word in the Chelsea dressing room is... Claude Makalele had the cock of a shire horse... literally
7. His favourite meal at McDonalds meal is the 6 nugget meal, he really misses supersize fries and still Fanta though
8. His legacy at AC Milan was left slightly damaged after he and Jo Tessem got stoned and went round Ibrahim Ba's house and pissed in his kitbag
9. His finds Bob Marley a wee bit over-rated
10. Carlo Ancelotti has adjusted incredibly well to life in england, he even contacted the England cricket selectors and recommended Steve McFadden for the troublesome number 3 batsman slot
Monday, 31 August 2009
The Wonder
1. You know when your Sky digital goes a bit slow sometimes? That's him
2. When on a 'Beano' in Clacton with Steve Ogrozovic, Danny stuffed 4 full choc ices in his mouth at once and kicked the cunt out of a pensioner
3. Danny's favourite film is 'The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe'
4. Has incredible evasive skills due to the fact that he and his band have been middle of the road for nearly 15 years and is yet to be run-over
5. The Embrace 2006 World Cup song 'World at Your Feet' is set to be voted in at number 5 in the new VH1 top 100 avant garde anthems
6. He often stands outside suprise birthday parties and tells the birthday boy/girl that their friends and relatives are all inside and they are in fact not going for a quiet drink
7. He produced Ultimate Kaos' hit single 'Some Girls' in the early 90's and still rakes in 56p a week in royalties
8. Not at anytime in the last 10 years has Danny McNamara appeared before a judge for rape with a motive whereas up to 1999, he was regularly charged for the offence
9. You'd think a Corrie fan wouldn't you? But he in fact has a meth-like addiction to Irish sit-com 'Fair City'... which is fucking shit by the way
10. Let it be known in no uncertain terms, Danny McNamara will rape again
2. When on a 'Beano' in Clacton with Steve Ogrozovic, Danny stuffed 4 full choc ices in his mouth at once and kicked the cunt out of a pensioner
3. Danny's favourite film is 'The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe'
4. Has incredible evasive skills due to the fact that he and his band have been middle of the road for nearly 15 years and is yet to be run-over
5. The Embrace 2006 World Cup song 'World at Your Feet' is set to be voted in at number 5 in the new VH1 top 100 avant garde anthems
6. He often stands outside suprise birthday parties and tells the birthday boy/girl that their friends and relatives are all inside and they are in fact not going for a quiet drink
7. He produced Ultimate Kaos' hit single 'Some Girls' in the early 90's and still rakes in 56p a week in royalties
8. Not at anytime in the last 10 years has Danny McNamara appeared before a judge for rape with a motive whereas up to 1999, he was regularly charged for the offence
9. You'd think a Corrie fan wouldn't you? But he in fact has a meth-like addiction to Irish sit-com 'Fair City'... which is fucking shit by the way
10. Let it be known in no uncertain terms, Danny McNamara will rape again
When you said i was ill, you were not wrong
1. Alesha will headline the pyramid stage at Glastonbury 2010. She will take to the stage at 10:45 and dance for 10 minutes, then New Order will join her and play 'World in Motion' to get everyone in the mood for the world cup... she'll do the John Barnes rap obviously. The for the remaining 74 minutes she will 'be down to earth'
2. Before joining Mis-teeq, she shared a studio appartment in Barbican with Duncan Ferguson. They were merely room-mates, no nudyprod whatsoever.
3. Alesha Dixon is yet to meet Barrack Obama and to my knowledge couldn't give a flying fuck
4. She has a picture of Kelly Kapowski from Saved by The Bell as her screensaver on her laptop, Dixon appreciates hot... regardless of gender
5. Her favourite album of 1995 was 'Operation Stackola' by Luniz. Try telling her that 'I've got 5 on it' was the only good song on that album, she'll punch you right in the anus
6. She co-wrote the Usual Suspects with Barbara Windsor
7. Ever buy a Kit-Kat and there's hardly any biscuit in there? Just chocolate? That is entirely down to her
8. Alesha Dixon rapped in the second verse on 'Jump, Jump' by Kriss Kross.
9. She is being lined up to play Spider in Bill Kenright's stage production of 'Quadrophenia'. Because she is scared shitless of Lambretta's and Vespa's, she'll ride around in roller skates with a little mod target on them
10. Alesha Dixon has had a season ticket at Preston North-End for 42 years and has never been to a game, what a bitch
2. Before joining Mis-teeq, she shared a studio appartment in Barbican with Duncan Ferguson. They were merely room-mates, no nudyprod whatsoever.
3. Alesha Dixon is yet to meet Barrack Obama and to my knowledge couldn't give a flying fuck
4. She has a picture of Kelly Kapowski from Saved by The Bell as her screensaver on her laptop, Dixon appreciates hot... regardless of gender
5. Her favourite album of 1995 was 'Operation Stackola' by Luniz. Try telling her that 'I've got 5 on it' was the only good song on that album, she'll punch you right in the anus
6. She co-wrote the Usual Suspects with Barbara Windsor
7. Ever buy a Kit-Kat and there's hardly any biscuit in there? Just chocolate? That is entirely down to her
8. Alesha Dixon rapped in the second verse on 'Jump, Jump' by Kriss Kross.
9. She is being lined up to play Spider in Bill Kenright's stage production of 'Quadrophenia'. Because she is scared shitless of Lambretta's and Vespa's, she'll ride around in roller skates with a little mod target on them
10. Alesha Dixon has had a season ticket at Preston North-End for 42 years and has never been to a game, what a bitch
Ballybunyon, keep puttin them lighterz up
1. Zac Efron leads a group of conspiracy theorists who hold the Nolan Sisters responsible for the 9/11 terror attacks. They meet on the 24th of every month at Greggs bakery in Eastcote high street and pretend they don't know eachother, y'know... for a laugh
2. He can't have a fucking row!
3. In the next WKD advert, Zac will be shown snogging a girl in a nightclub and then tell her that he has swine flu. He'll rejoin the rest of the lads at the table and they will be looking at the floor in discomfort
4. Fucking loves a bit of crumpet does our Zac. In the last month alone, he has slept with close to 4 women
5. Zac's favourite book is 'Of Mice and Men' by Carol Vorderman
6. It is a weekly ritual in the Efron family household to act like a cunt
7. Get this, he only tried to include Kevin Nolan in his premier league dream team this year! Jesus the boy's living in 2007, he probably still thinks 'Beautiful Girls' by Sean Kingston in still number 1 and is cheering on Jermaine Jackson to win Celebrity Big Brother
8. Zac, believe it or not never cared for High School Musical. He was once overheard saying he thought it was 'lame' and called director Kenny Ortega a 'poofter' in his incredibly unfunny gay voice
9. Efron's sense of bereavment is all powerful
10. What is next for Zac Efron???? a game of Pro Evo and a wank probably
2. He can't have a fucking row!
3. In the next WKD advert, Zac will be shown snogging a girl in a nightclub and then tell her that he has swine flu. He'll rejoin the rest of the lads at the table and they will be looking at the floor in discomfort
4. Fucking loves a bit of crumpet does our Zac. In the last month alone, he has slept with close to 4 women
5. Zac's favourite book is 'Of Mice and Men' by Carol Vorderman
6. It is a weekly ritual in the Efron family household to act like a cunt
7. Get this, he only tried to include Kevin Nolan in his premier league dream team this year! Jesus the boy's living in 2007, he probably still thinks 'Beautiful Girls' by Sean Kingston in still number 1 and is cheering on Jermaine Jackson to win Celebrity Big Brother
8. Zac, believe it or not never cared for High School Musical. He was once overheard saying he thought it was 'lame' and called director Kenny Ortega a 'poofter' in his incredibly unfunny gay voice
9. Efron's sense of bereavment is all powerful
10. What is next for Zac Efron???? a game of Pro Evo and a wank probably
Ere you go chief, ave a suck on that sauce bottle
1. Kevin Spacey is a man who is uncomfortable with intimacy, he is the kind of man who would refuse to make love to his wife on their wedding night and take liberties with room service.
2. Seen that film '21'? weren't his best was it?
3. Everytime our Kev attends mass, he recieves the communion bread and chews it with his mouth open... just to piss off the Vicar
4. If you look very closely at Kevin Spacey's daughter in 'The Negotiator', you will see that she is in fact the fucking spit of Dwayne Ladejo
5. There is talk of a Kevin Spacey and Matthew Broderick advent calendar being released in time for christmas in 2010. Behind each door will be a little piece of chocolate in the shape of Kev's bumchin
6. Kevin NEVER gets on a plane without Andre Agassi's 'The Shining'
7. Kevin Spacey is not a well man, not in the slightest
8. American Beauty is a modern classic in many people's eyes, when interviewed in Four-Four Two he said that Annette Bening, who played his wife in the film is a complete cunt
9. He has never gotten over Goose's death in Topgun, friends have tried telling him it was just a film but he buries his head in his hands crying uncontrolably
10. Kevin Spacey, regardless of what people may say is a talented actor and is the toast of broadway
2. Seen that film '21'? weren't his best was it?
3. Everytime our Kev attends mass, he recieves the communion bread and chews it with his mouth open... just to piss off the Vicar
4. If you look very closely at Kevin Spacey's daughter in 'The Negotiator', you will see that she is in fact the fucking spit of Dwayne Ladejo
5. There is talk of a Kevin Spacey and Matthew Broderick advent calendar being released in time for christmas in 2010. Behind each door will be a little piece of chocolate in the shape of Kev's bumchin
6. Kevin NEVER gets on a plane without Andre Agassi's 'The Shining'
7. Kevin Spacey is not a well man, not in the slightest
8. American Beauty is a modern classic in many people's eyes, when interviewed in Four-Four Two he said that Annette Bening, who played his wife in the film is a complete cunt
9. He has never gotten over Goose's death in Topgun, friends have tried telling him it was just a film but he buries his head in his hands crying uncontrolably
10. Kevin Spacey, regardless of what people may say is a talented actor and is the toast of broadway
It's been a while
1. Damien recently recorded his 142nd studio album, Tony Cascarino produced the vast majority of it... apart from track 10, which was engineered by Sandra Bullock.
2. 'What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg.... but you can't beat a wank' Not my words folks, but Damien's in a recent interview with Nuts magazine.
3. We all generally remember where we were when we heard tha Michael Jackson died right? Well not Damo, he was on acid in Siberia... well he thought he was in siberia but was in fact lodging in Wexford
4. You know when a mobile phone starts ringing? and you hear that buzzing sound in your car stereo? That's not your phone, it's Damien Rice
5. Damien's erratic behaviour has become a cause of great concern for his friends and family, to put your dick in the turkey base during sunday dinner, is clearly an act of a man who is in dire mental health
6. Damien Rice does not exist, in The Isle of Man
7. Kevin Bacon asked Damien to play 'Cannonball' at his daughter's wedding reception in the U.S. Damien said 'fuck off, fuck right off'. Damien not only believed that Sleepers was a true story, but it was also a live documentary. When he met Brad Pitt, he put his hand on his shoulder and said 'it's o.k, you can now go to sleep at night and not worry what's going to happen to you' Brad didn't know what the fuck was happening.
8. Damien greets all guests to his Cottage with a party bag. What's in this party bag? No-one has ever left the cottage to tell us
9. Damien Rice is yet to wed, he has an imacculate criminal record and despite idolising 'Biff' from Back to The Future is not a bad geezer if truth be told
10. I don't know about you, but i've had 'The Blower's Daughter'' stuck in my head for about 17 years now and i'm STILL not bored of it! Fair fooks t'ya Damo
2. 'What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg.... but you can't beat a wank' Not my words folks, but Damien's in a recent interview with Nuts magazine.
3. We all generally remember where we were when we heard tha Michael Jackson died right? Well not Damo, he was on acid in Siberia... well he thought he was in siberia but was in fact lodging in Wexford
4. You know when a mobile phone starts ringing? and you hear that buzzing sound in your car stereo? That's not your phone, it's Damien Rice
5. Damien's erratic behaviour has become a cause of great concern for his friends and family, to put your dick in the turkey base during sunday dinner, is clearly an act of a man who is in dire mental health
6. Damien Rice does not exist, in The Isle of Man
7. Kevin Bacon asked Damien to play 'Cannonball' at his daughter's wedding reception in the U.S. Damien said 'fuck off, fuck right off'. Damien not only believed that Sleepers was a true story, but it was also a live documentary. When he met Brad Pitt, he put his hand on his shoulder and said 'it's o.k, you can now go to sleep at night and not worry what's going to happen to you' Brad didn't know what the fuck was happening.
8. Damien greets all guests to his Cottage with a party bag. What's in this party bag? No-one has ever left the cottage to tell us
9. Damien Rice is yet to wed, he has an imacculate criminal record and despite idolising 'Biff' from Back to The Future is not a bad geezer if truth be told
10. I don't know about you, but i've had 'The Blower's Daughter'' stuck in my head for about 17 years now and i'm STILL not bored of it! Fair fooks t'ya Damo
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